Yeah, I was there.

Charles Bukowski

the last song

driving the freeway while
listening to the Country and Western boys
sing about a broken heart
and the honkytonk blues,
it seems that things just don't work
most of the time
and when they do it will be for a
short time
only.
well, that's not news.
nothing's news.
it's the same old thing in
disguise.
only one thing comes without a
disguise and you only see it
once, or
maybe never.
like getting hit by a freight
train.
makes us realize that all our
moaning about long lost girls
in gingham dresses
is not so important
after
all.

And I'm,

lost. I can't deny that. And I keep seeing secret meanings in everything. And I want to get some answers. But maybe there are no answers. I don't know if I can believe that any longer. Once I definitely agreed but now life seems to have a meaning. I no longer completely believe in coincidences,I can no longer deny my belief in fate. I see the world in a completely different way than I did two years ago or a year ago or six months ago.

fdkfl;kdsf;

I'm always feeling out of control

New blog.

http://gorillafilmmakers.wordpress.com/

I enjoy odd things sometimes...

like when this girl plays the Christian radio station at work. Anything God-related tends to have lyrics or Bible quotes that really catch you.

"I'm a liar seeking the truth."

"Our tongues have the power of life and death."

I think I want to read the Bible. Although I think I may agree with Eastern religions more so maybe I should look into Buddhism or something. I feel like I need to explore religion at this point.

I also need to move out simply because I can't really live my life properly when living at home. I have to hide things and feel guilty and ashamed and that's really know way to live. There's a reason most people don't live with their parents at this point. I love my mom and it's nice to live with her and not have to worry about rent and utilities and all that grown-up money stuff. But I'm over it. I'm ready to worry about rent and utilities and all that grown-up money stuff. I'm no Jack Kerouac (who lived with his mom until the day he died, which wasn't very old but still...he was like forty-five or something.)

I have to go to work now. Thank god it's Thursday.

No real answers.

No official diagnosis as of yet. ADHD and Bipolar II are being explored (mentioned? considered? I have no idea.) Starting Abilify (a mood stabilizer) and then adding Prozac.