New York

is like a really, really big high school.

Peek-a-boo by Daniel Johnston

This song means spring to me. It means driving down the road on a spring day with the windows down and the leaves coming back in light green and the smell of spring that I can barely remember now since New York's spring smells different than back home although it's just as beautiful. You notice all the green where in fall you forgot it and the white popcorn trees bloom on the sides of the streets near Washington Square and everyone is back on the streets with their dogs and babies. And it smells like those popcorn flowers and warm cement. Except New York's spring is sour just as she is sweet and includes rainy, half-wintery days where the wind whips around the buildings and kills you like it did that time with Miguel and Truman forever and ever ago when we smoked that blunt with keif the morning after I rolled and then I was too fucked up to go to drawing class and went to eat breakfast instead. We were walking to breakfast high as fuck when we turned this corner and were hit with a wall of wind. We all fell backwards trying to escape the wind's horrible powers. Yeah, that wind will get you. I miss everything that's ever happened. Well, maybe not really. But there are small moments of every one of my past lives that was good. That was a good moment with Miguel and Truman even though things got bad. And then good? I don't know.

Where am I going, where have I been?

MIX

Ok. This is the mix updated. Please listen because it took me forever to upload. I'm trying to get rid of like two songs also.

Why

did I never look up videos of Billy Childish before?!

I really miss

getting stoned with people back home. Because I really wish that there was someone here with me right now to see this old, really tall guy with weird hair pulling down vines and shit in his garden. It is so fucking weird! I'm trying to charge my camera battery right now just to capture it on video it's so fucking amazing.

He moved out of eyesight goddammit. And he put on a hat. It's the cutest old man hat. He has to be insane.

Either that or I am.

He will not come back to where I can tape him. Man, I feel like if someone was here right now - like my roommate or my neighbor - they would be like, "Sam, you can't do that. You're so weird." But I don't really care.

My life is a series of telecommunications (miscommunications is not a word according to this spell check) .

If this year has taught me anything,

it's not to go for your dreams. People are right when they say you won't make it.

Ew.

I hate listening to music through headphones - even fairly good headphones. I actually prefer my computer speakers a lot of the time. Music is such a physical thing. I don't like it when it's so close to me. Any other time you listen to music it's not directly around your ears but instead it's inside a space. I don't know. Maybe I'm just babbling. I should look up some scientific stuff to explain it better.