Medications

This Seroquel is getting to be almost addicting in a weird way. It's like my body is becoming physically dependent on it. When I just miss one day now I feel almost sick and start to become kind of manic and can't sleep at all. I might even puke. I get the chills. When I only miss it once. It didn't used to be so bad if I missed a dose. I want to just not take it but that's not really an option. And I've gained a lot of weight. I weigh 120 pounds which isn't a lot but it's more than I ever weighed before and I just feel bigger and more unhealthy and I still have horrible mood swings despite the Seroquel. It doesn't even work.

Ok...

So I don't know how I feel about Daniel Johnston's newest album. I realize that it is already two years old so probably a lot of other fans have listened to it and properly digested it but I'm a little late because I kind of ignored it's existence for awhile.


Anyway, I just can't tell if it's great or horrible. It's kind of disconcerting. Is that the word I'm thinking of?

I think we were all more beautiful when we were younger and didn't know any better.

So

I was listening to the Buzzcocks and I heard the song "What do I get?" I thought, that seems familiar. I think it was in Ghost World. I look it up and sure enough I'm right. That's the best feeling.

Back

I am incredibly sad. When I wake up in the morning I feel it the worst. I get up and do things to distract myself but basically when I take any time to think it always ends in tears. Sometimes I'm not really sad but I'm not really happy either. I'm bored. Sometimes I get high and I feel better. I feel kind of happy for awhile. Sometimes it lasts for hours and hours. But eventually the happy will always end. Sometimes I get high and things don't get better. I'm always tired. I drink so much caffeine. I live with my mom. I'm almost 20. I've completed only one semester of college. I'm addicted to weed. I'm not really close with anyone. I keep my fears to myself. I try not to think about other people either. I am lonely. I feel outside of everything. I am selfish.


I'm back.

There are two things that changed my life significantly:

1. My cousin going crazy when I was 13. 
2. Mr. Hurt dying.

Cooper Union #3

3. A view around a corner or a quaquaversal.

Quaquaversal: going off in all directions at once; dipping away from a centre in all directions

In geology, lava beds are examples of quaquaversals because they are inclined outward in all directions from a central point or area.

I thought fractals were similiar to quaquaversals because they too go out in all directions at once.

Decalcomania is a Surrealist technique. It is the process of spreading thick paint upon a canvas then — while it is still wet — covering it with further material such as paper or aluminium foil. This covering is then removed (again before the paint dries), and the resultant paint pattern becomes the basis of the finished painting. The technique was much employed by artists such as Max Ernst. Decalcomania can produce fractal-like patterns

So I used decalcomania to get fractal patterns. Then over that I applied an acrylic transfer of a photo of a lava bed dipping in all directions.

Fractal pattern